You guys, Monday was hard. It was a small thing that started it, but it broke me. I was sooooooo angry. Words came out of my mouth that I haven’t said in years. I was pacing and fuming and yelling. I also cleaned my house…I do some of my best work when I’m angry. ;)

A few weeks ago the book I’m reading prompted me to ask God what I needed to surrender. I did. He said anger. I knew what He was talking about, for months I have felt this electric current of anger sizzling just beneath the surface. I haven’t felt that in quite awhile and I was surprised by it’s presence.

I read “Fresh-Brewed Life” by Nicole Johnson when my kids were young and God used her book in my life in a huge way. I would highly recommend it. (a bonus if you like coffee, she has tidbits and recipes scattered throughout the pages) Chapter Five talks about “Interviewing Your Anger” and I’ve tried to do that through the years and found it a helpful exercise. But this new anger I was feeling was not letting go of it's secrets and left me baffled. Until Monday. Like a volcano that’s been bubbling and burping little hints of an explosion, BOOM, it all came spilling out.

Later that night, I was talking to Dean, who got the first onslaught over the phone..poor guy, it hit me that I was feeling helpless, frustrated and hurt about a lot of things that I had no control over. **from this point on anything in itallcs is from Nicole.**

I finally let Dean in what’s been going on beneath the surface. I found this to be true: “Anger is so hard for women to admit. We are afraid of it. We don’t want to be labeled angry. There is an ugly stigma attached to women who are angry.” BUT
”Anger is a sign to heed carefully.”

“Anger is never buried dead. It’s always buried alive.” ~ Gary Smalley

“Anger is made up of fear, frustrations, and hurt.” ~ Yes to all of that!

”Good questions will take us right to the heart of our anger. If we answer them honestly, they will help define and clarify the real issue.” ~ We may need someone to help ask the right questions.

”The interviewing of yourself is the only way to take your pulse and decipher the real need. You have to discern what your anger is really about , or you will continue to harm those you love.” ~ God can only heal to the degree we are honest.

"Underneath all our anger is usually a wounded heart.” ~ It will cost us something to go there and uproot the source, but is it costing us more by not facing it?

“Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become
more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others.”
~ Harriet Goldhor Lerner

“Sometimes you can’t even find the tender hurt underneath. The hard exterior has been building for so long, you have forgotten the original hurt. You have gone on with your life, but you have not really been healed.”

“Proper healing is the difference between limping and dancing.”

Two Good Questions:
1. Am I compromising myself? “Many times when I find myself angry it is because I have not been clear about who I am.”
”Anger can help us define our boundaries.” For me, this has been true and to some degree I think I am struggling with this. But the bigger one is…
2. Am I mad at God? I’m mad…about so many things. BUT…. “If we bring it to Him and wrestle with Him, He will keep it from destroying ourselves. Wrestling with God over issues of anger has been the only way I can discern the purpose of what He is doing in my life.”

“Facing the pain underneath our anger will enable us to embrace life from a tender, open place. Living honestly and authentically is what we are after, and that does mean getting angry sometimes. But it means dealing with it appropriately. Ask the right questions, raise the hood, tap around a bit. If you find something, take the time to set it right. Seek to find the underground fuel tanks, and drain them. Let the healing begin.”

Monday the fissure cracked and the pressure released.

It’s too much to carry. It’s too much to make sense of. I need God. You need God. We need God to carry us and all the things. And I know He will! I know He is there and God is not threatened by my anger, my hurts and questions of “why?” or “how could You allow…?”

This morning I feel oddly peaceful, restless, but peaceful. I have found the source and now I can do the work of trusting and aligning myself back to God.

“This is why even our faith is something God will help us build, more than us naturally exhibiting it. You have an anchor point allowing your brain to say, I’ve seen this before. Belief is a muscle in the brain we need to exercise in order to see it grow.” ~ Heather Thompson Day

That’s my prayer for us today. That we will believe and see God meet us where we are today. As we wrestle through the hard things we will know His love and faithfulness. We are loved. We are seen.

You have, as always,
All My Love ~ Jodi xoxo

“But thanks be to God! He gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
~ 1 Corinthians 15:57

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