It's April. I have a love-hate relationship with April. My mom passed away in the beginning of the month and my birthday is the end of the month.

I've learned through the years that around this time I start feeling sad, a little lost and the 9th and 10th comes and it hits me, "Oh! That's why it's been so hard and all I want to do is cry, hide and eat chocolate." I miss my mom even though I know that she is in heaven singing at the top of her lungs (I'm pretty sure she can actually "sing" now because, well, it's heaven), making pasta for everyone and welcoming each person as they step into eternity with a hug. She was a great hugger! So, this time of April really sucks.

Later this month is my birthday. I will be 54!?!??!?!?!?! I don't even know how that is possible. But there you have it. 54. It's hard to reconcile that number to being me. I kinda thought I would feel different at this age, but since I have no reference to what I should be feeling, I'm going to just go with it. I usually like my birthday. I mean you get to eat cake, get a couple of presents, friends encourage you on Facebook. What's not to like about that. I also get reflective. Where am I in my life? What needs to change? Where have I succeeded or failed.

A few weeks ago my sister Susan and her family came down from Maryland. It was a great time with all the kids hanging out, playing games and reconnecting. I love, love, love talking to my sisters. We sat in the kitchen and filled each other in with our lives. We cried, we laughed, we ate. At one point I was sharing and said that I was content with my life, but felt like there was more. That I sometimes felt less than others because I never went to college, or had a career that I invested in but that I have been able to do so many different things. I have had such an eclectic, wide range of jobs and opportunities. I am very grateful for my life and all that I experienced and learned with each season.

She said something so very Susie. So insightful and meaningful...basically having an impact was more important to me. (that's a really short version) IMPACT! That word smacked me in the face. It's been swirling around in my head. Looking back over my life, my dreams, all that Dean and I invested in and gave ourselves to was to have an impact. In our family, our friends, our church, our community and our world. I told you she was insightful and I love that she was able to define that for me.

I was remembering one of the first small group times I had in Youth With A Mission. We were asked to write on a piece of paper if we were an animal what would we be? I took a minute, thought this was stupid. I sat there with my eyes closed, feeling a little silly and I saw a turtle..this cute little green thing that would stick his head out and check out his surroundings and if he didn't like what he saw, would withdraw back inside his shell. Ok, that sounded like me. Then we were instructed to ask God how He saw us. Really? Ok, here we go...I saw an eagle soaring through the air. Beautiful, majestic, unafraid. That's quite a difference.

In order to really make an impact we need to be willing to change. To change our thoughts, our reactions, our actions, our perspective ...the list goes on as long as we are alive, there will be something to work on and change. Only the God that created the universe and all wonderful things on this earth can change me from someone who is afraid into someone who steps off the edge of the cliff.

My mom impacted people in her short life. I have longed to impact and change the world. I had forgotten until recently, that as a kid I wanted to work at the United Nations. I never got there, BUT God has taken me to the nations. You have an impact on your world. You impact those around you every day. Let's choose to make our impact a positive one.

All My Love ~

xoxo Jodi

"...I will never leave you nor forsake you. Be strong and courageous..." Joshua 1:5&6

"...but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31