Freedom Take 2
It's Friday morning and I am frustrated. I sat most of the day on Wednesday and wrote my blog, Freedom. I always have Dean read it and give myself a day to think if I want to add or change anything. Thursday morning I went to publish it and I found out it hadn't saved anything! Nothing since my first few sentences. All @$%^&!*^$@!% Day! Dean said it was good, so part of me wants to say, "Sorry you missed it! I wrote my heart and thoughts out and technology sucks, see you next month." But then guilt comes and I am wanting to be diligent and faithful to this. Soooooo.......I will write again.....fingers crossed and it won't be the same, but hopefully Dean will say it's good. ;)
Freedom has been a word I have seen a lot of with the Fourth of July. Freedom can mean a lot of different things to every person. Freedom can be physical, financial, emotional, mental, spiritual.
I remember the freedom I felt the first time I was able to buy something I wanted after I worked and saved my money. It was a big deal. I also love the freedom I feel when I am able to treat someone to something. I remember the fear of stepping out trying something new and then the feeling of freedom when I overcame that fear and did it. There was the first time I had to speak in front of a crowd, with a translator. Guess what?! I didn't die! I may not have been great at it, but the freedom is in doing it.
There are so many things that can hold us back from freedom in our lives. We can lack hope that our circumstances will ever change or that defeating habit, self-talk, or reliving the same old script will be a perpetual loop in our lives.
The bottom line for me is that God is the reason that I have been able to walk in freedom from so many things in my life. I put in the work, paid the cost to emotionally face things in my life. What I mean by that is I stopped pretending I was good, I got gut-honest with myself and God. I cried, yelled, prayed, read the Bible, listened, sang worship songs and wrote a lot...no filter, no pretense just raw memories and emotions.
God met me. He showed me how much He loves me and how my value and significance comes from Him...even when I mess up. Even when I was rejected by people. Even when...(you fill in the blank). Nothing changes His response to me...or you.
Here's the frustrating thing I found out about freedom, it is a continual work. We are never not fighting on some level with something. As long as we are alive we will be fighting for the freedom in our lives.
On the 4th we watched Independence Day. Fitting, right?!? Aliens attack earth with the goal of our annihilation. We fight back and win. Let's just all agree that President Whitmore's speech is awesome. "We will not go quietly into the night!" On the 5th they aired Independence Day: Resurgence. No surprise, the aliens come back, but we have built better weapons, surveillance, trained the army and there is world-wide unity. They also come back bigger and badder, ready to finish it.
Isn't it that way in our lives? We deal with something and some level have victory in it. We become vigilant in watching for triggers and stand guard against things that we know will trip us up. But then...a random thought, unkind word, a song, a movie etc and we are right back in the struggle. Waist deep in an alien attack. We have a choice. Every time, every day we have a choice.
Sometimes I lay my weapon down because I get tired of fighting the same thing over and over. I should be over the butterflies and anxiety of walking into a room full of people. I should be over needing people to validate me. I know who I am in God. I know He loves me and that I am apple of His eye. Psalm 17:8 "Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings."
OR....
I can stand before whatever I am battling with my hands on my hips and boldly look at that giant looking to take me out and declare that "My Dad is bigger than yours and He already won!"
Personally, I am very glad that June is over! It was a real hard month. The circumstances, pain, confusion that broke me and shattered a part of me may still be there, but I can stand and declare"I WILL NOT GO QUIETLY INTO THE NIGHT!"
In the midst of the hardest moments God sends pockets of love, laughter and hope. We do not have to stay broken, trapped in a negative loop. We can stand, kneel, worship and declare the freedom we have.
I pray that wherever you are in your life, whatever you are facing and however you view God that you give Him a chance to meet you. To bring peace to your struggle. He loves you. You are the apple of His eye.
Now, I just hope this blog publishes this time! :-)
All My Love ~
xoxo JB