Whew. That’s A Lot!
Have you ever felt confused by life? Have you, like me, wondered how you got to this place? Rita Springer has a new song “I Think He Is” that has been on repeat. (make sure to check it out) There is a line that says: “You would never lead me to a place You’d ever leave me.” WOW! I need to hear that! (which is why it’s on repeat) :) But life can make me feel like He has.
“I don’t want the world to define God for me.
I want the Holy Spirit to reveal God to me.”
~ A.W. Tozer
I am tired. Life is overwhelming. Life is hard. Life is beautiful. Life is full joy-filled moments. This is the tension of life, isn’t it? Learning to hold the beautiful and the hard at the same time. When I was younger, I wasn’t very good at that.
“I have given God countless reasons not to love me.
None of them has been strong enough to change Him.”
~ Paul Washer
It has been hard to watch a couple of my kids go through heartbreaking and difficult situations. It’s been hard to see friends have to face diagnosis, loss and a life they plan on. I want to protect my grand kiddos from the pain of school politics and friend groups. Kids can mean. Heck, adults can be mean. The world can be mean and all topsy-turvy.
“For the Lord your God is living among you.
He is a mighty Savior. He will take delight in you with gladness.
WIth his love, he will calm your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”
Zephaniah 3:17
It’s been soul-filling to have friends to have tea with and talk, laugh and cry for hours. Or go shopping with and not have to talk, just be. I love when the grandkids come running with all the hugs and love I can squeeze out of them. I love that I get to have lunch with them at school. I am proud of Dean for training and running his first 10K and coming in 3rd in his age group and 16th overall. I am learning how strong I am. I am learning to enjoy quiet and not need a distraction … how to be alone with God. I am dreaming how to recreate my home. I am learning how to serve and love through hurt and disappointment.
“Every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling,
’This is important! And this is important! And this is important!
You need to worry about this! And this! And This!’
And each day, it’s up to you to yank your hand back, put it on your heart and say,
’No. THIS is what’s important.”
~ Ian Thomas
I remember really struggling with the goodness of God and trusting Him when Dean and I faced some hard and dark times. But I have learned That He is fully good and fully trustworthy. That was not an easy lesson, but it has been invaluable in the last couple of months. When those default responses and feelings rise up, I can stand against them with the truth I learned through my life.
“I will be your God throughout your lifetime -
until your hair is white with age.
I made you, and I will care for you.
I will carry you along and save you.”
Isaiah 26:4
What we hold onto in those hard, confusing, dark moments in life will determine how we walk through those times. But I think it is normal to ask questions in those moments. We may need to wrestle with asking: Is God good right now, in this situation? How do I trust God with this? How can You allow this person to still act this way and hurt people? Can I be a part of Your avenge squad and have a go at them? I think I just got a big eye-roll with a head shake from God. ;)
“Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them.
For your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you or abandon you.”
Deuteronomy 31:6
I think sometimes those of us who are have been Jesus-Followers for a while and are doing the church thing feel like we can’t voice those questions, our fears, our overwhelm. That we should be over this or that. I agree with that to a point. There are some things younger Jodi struggled with that are settled, put to rest. As we grow in our walk with God, empowered by the Holy Spirit, we are transformed into looking and acting more like Jesus. But older Jodi has new questions. Maybe some of the same questions, but it goes deeper. Because life doesn’t stop trying to take us out. Satan is not giving a free pass. People we love will go through hard things. We will have to walk in the desert, wondering where the stupid map went.
I am not alone. You are not alone.
“Understand, therefore, that
the LORD your God is indeed God. He is the faithful God
who keeps his covenant for a thousand generations and
lavishes his unfailing love on those who
love and obey his commands.”
Deuteronomy 7:9 (italics mine)
There is freedom on this side of trust. There is freedom on this side of knowing that God is good. That He always has been good and He will always be good and nothing I go through will change His goodness!
I pray that as we go through this coming week, we will walk in the freedom of knowing God is with us. That we will learn to hold the beautiful and the hard together. That we will hold onto our perfectly, imperfect lives with grace and love.
Have a great day!
All My Love ~
Jodi xo
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