Tailspin

It’s funny what can put you in a tailspin. Lately, I have been fighting this overall sense of malaise and melancholy. I think it started when I found out that I needed to go back on MS meds. I had an MRI and it showed 3 new lesions. I haven’t been on any MS meds since January ~ Insurance changed my doc and co-pay assistance was cancelled. It was a whole thing and took months to figure out, then I had to wait months to get an appointment. OY!

What’s the big deal you ask. You’ve been on two different meds already since your diagnosis. Because I felt good. I felt strong. I could feel my toes when I wiggled them, that hasn’t happened in years. Amazingly, my new doc was willing to see if I could stay off meds, but not with the new lesions. And the new meds scare me a little with the possible side effects.

I was really hoping for a different outcome.

Life is like that, isn’t it? You’re spinning all the plates and managing all the things. You are having your time with God and it’s been so good. You are being there for your hubs, 4 kiddos. 4 kiddos-in-love, 5 grand kiddos and 2 dogs (insert your life here) and handling it like a boss!

THEN … It’s like when you step in poop and have to stop to deal with the yuckiest mess and all the plates seem to crash and the emotions are not so in check and everyday feels like your walking through mud.

THEN …

What’s been your THEN? We’ve all had them. What has been your tailspin? Your pivot? Your different outcome not happening?

Being in a funk or having an off day is a part of being human. But it can’t be a lifestyle, we need a way out. Even David had days when he was a little melancholy. He asked this question and then answered it in Psalm 42:11:

“Why are you so downcast , O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.”

Maybe part of our problem can be what Martin Lloyd Jones suggests: “…you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself.”

We can wake up or have a random thought in the middle of our day that is negative, combative, oppressive, depressing, or ___________. When these thoughts start talking to us, we listen instead of doing the talking like David.

I woke up the other day tired and cranky. I quickly recognized it and said: “check your attitude.” Just as quickly my sassy, spicy side responded: “Oh, I did and it’s still there!” You know you’re in trouble when you respond to yourself with an attitude. Double OY!

Mr. Jones goes on to say:
“The main art in the matter of spiritual living is to know how to handle yourself.
You have to take yourself in the hand, you have to address yourself, preach to yourself, question yourself…and then must go on to remind yourself of God, Who God is, and what God has done, and what God has pledged Himself to do.”

I’m still not happy that I need to take this med. I still feel raw and on edge BUT GOD!
God is faithful. God loves me. God sees my heart, my hurt, my fear, my emotions. God stays and is immoveable.

“Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired and weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
Isaiah 40:28-31

In our lives there will be seasons where we fly and there will be seasons where we feel like we can’t make it through the day. Either way, God doesn’t grow tired or worn out AND He gives us power to turn our stumbling into flying.

I may have no idea what your THEN is or if you’re in a tailspin or if you’ve pivoted so much you’ve worn out the heel in your shoe but God does. Or maybe this is your soaring era, God is all in for that too and we are cheering you on!

As we walk through our days or nights and those negative, intrusive thoughts talk to us, let’s take charge of the narrative and talk to those thoughts and set them straight of who our God is, who we are in Him and how our faith and trust in a mighty God guides us even the middle of the most uncertain times and tailspin.

I hope you have an amazing day and sense the beautiful, peaceful Presence of God with you!
All My Love ~
Jodi xo

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